In response to Fred’s question, “What’ll I say at your funeral?” Chunker, who was slumped over a pint of the cheapest, jerked up and asked, “Am I dying?” “After today’s fiasco, I want to plan ahead,” Fred said. “As your best friend, I’ll be a speaker at your gig.” “Don’t call it a gig, that … Continue reading →

Being of sound mind, I never believe ads. And although I never read the fine print, I always tick off ‘agreed’. As a result, I am now confined to a basement room watching foreign feet pass by the window. Recently, having reached the age when I couldn’t count on many more decades of life, I … Continue reading →

“Jeremy Irons,” a voice squealed. I looked up to see a woman, a few years younger than me, face aglow, her long black coat flapping open, gripping a tenuously burdened tray. “Mind if I join you?” she said indicating the other tables at the small diner were all occupied. What could I say? Unable to … Continue reading →

Stanley was struggling to get the front door key out of the lock, a sagging bag of groceries at his side, when his wife Moira, sporting her designer sunglasses, confronted him.  Her steely accusation, “I saw your car today,” stopped him in his tracks. “You were in Burnaby?” he asked clutching his sagging bag of … Continue reading →

Huddled under a grungy blanket, a threat of rain in the air, and a stomach complaining about a wolfed-down can of beans, Betty regretted where being “interesting” had gotten her. Across from her, looking as pleased as a lottery winner, Trevor grinned at the stars through the open window. “Who would ever have dreamed I’d … Continue reading →

Penny climbed unto the platform squeezing her flowered dress to her side to prevent the wind blowing it over her head. Her day had arrived. She was a winner, ready for the crown—albeit only a paper Mache one—but even more important, ready for the cash prize. As had been pointed out at a recent town … Continue reading →

Since waking that Sunday, April had been in a tizzy, anxious to reveal her creativity to her husband Jeff. She’d have snapped the laggard from his snores but, having found the bed empty, she’d hurried to the kitchen. She was crestfallen to discover that the room was deserted. Her suspicions that Jeff had ducked down … Continue reading →

On finally digesting the transforming word “gig” over the din of the pub noise, the friends sailed above the deflating grumbles of wives and bosses into a sunny future. Only on considering task number 7, did they detect the sound of a their hot air balloon hissing. Before that, expectations were high… “We’ve got a … Continue reading →

“Come, quickly,” urged Jane Simmons breathlessly. “You’ll miss the punchline. It’s riveting.” I doubted that. Edgar’s stories were not palatable let alone riveting. Insidious little creep that he was, “Blackhead” told macabre stories, violent stories, and stories decaying with double entendre, but delicious stories? Never. Edgar, the worm in question, lifted his weasel eyes towards … Continue reading →

When the Bellybob town council announced the Most Outrageous Cat contest Tania’s friends knew that Slicker-Down was a shoe-in for the $1,000 prize. Tania, however, was adamant that her cat would not compete. “I don’t want Slicker-Down exploited,” she said. “If his antics are on the Internet he might get kidnapped.” Her friend Dolly erupted … Continue reading →